Guards! Guards!

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Guards! Guards!

Updates to auditions dates, now being held November 4, 9 and 11, 2021.

Scorpio Theatre presents Guards! Guards!, directed by Ted Lach, assistant directed by Mira Maschmeyer.

Dates: February 18 – 26, 2022

A plot brews in Ankh-Morpork, greatest city of the Discworld. A sinister figure schemes insurrection via dragon. But dragons, once summoned, are not easy to contain. It will take a band of outcasts to uncover the truth and protect the city from the Pax Draconis. Who, exactly? They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, around about chapter three, or ten minutes into the play, to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time … and be slaughtered. No-one ever asks them if they wanted to.

Roles Available

  • Captain Vimes (male, 20+): Captain of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch.
  • Carrot Ironfoundersson (male, 20+): A dwarf (by adoption).
  • Lady Sybil Ramkin/ensemble (Female 20+): Lady Ramkin is the richest woman in Ankh-Morpork.
  • Lord Vetinari: (Male 30+): First name Havelock. Age uncertain. Background unavailable.
  • Sergeant Colon/ensemble (Male 40+): Sergeant in the Ankh-Morpork City Watch.
  • Corporal Nobby/emsemble (Male 20s-30s): A corporal in the Ankh-Morpork City Watch.
  • Lupine Wonse (Male 20+): Secretary to Lord Vetinari, but secretly is also the Supreme Grand Master of the Order of the Elucidated Bretheren.
  • The Librarian/ensemble (Any gender 20+): Was human until a magical explosion changed them into an orang-utang.
  • Zebbo Mooty/ensemble (Any gender 20+): Thief third class, dreadfully behind on their thieving quota. and about to have a very unfortunate encounter with a freshly summoned dragon.
  • Death/ensemble (Any gender 20+): A seven-foot tall skeleton of polished bone, in whose eye sockets there are tiny points of light.
  • Footnote*/ensemble (Female 20+): *The literary device given physical form, popping up throughout the show to share helpful facts and information.

Auditions will be held November 4, 9 and 11, 2021, from 7:00 – 10:00pm, at Scorpio Central (331, 41 Ave. NE).

Video submissions will be accepted; however, you will need to be able to attend callbacks in person.

  • Callbacks will be the afternoon of Sunday, November 14, 2021.
  • First read-through will be November 16, 2021.
  • Rehearsals will be Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday.

Please prepare 2 contemporary contrasting monologues no longer than 5 minutes total.

Please submit your resume, headshot, and preferred audition date or video audition submission to

Please note you will not be considered confirmed for your audition until you have received an email response with a time for your audition slot, and replied to confirm your time.

All performers must be able to show proof of COVID-19 vaccination, as it is a requirement of our performance venue.

For more information go to

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